“A spiritual child can be a relatively new Christian, or it can be a person who has been a Christian for many years. There are spiritually immature people who have attended church services for sixty years. And there are some spiritually mature disciples who have been Christians for just a few years. It’s not the amount of time that passes that marks the difference between mature and immature; it’s what has happened or not happened in a relational discipleship process during that time. How has he or she allowed the Holy Spirit to bring change and develop the likeness of Christ?

Think about the characteristics of a typical child. A child can do some things for himself. Yet they are still quite dependent on the care and guidance of his or her parents. A child can be active and joyful, as well as innocent and fun to be around. Yet they also are unaware that they are self-centered, focused on their own needs and without regard for others. As Romans 14 teaches us, a child can also be dogmatic, seeing the world in rigid, black-and-white terms, even concerning things that are not supposed to be black-and-white. A child can be overconfident, prideful, and full of himself, but they also can be insecure, timid, shy, and full of self-loathing or defeat. Spiritual children may have a connection to a church family, but their world still revolves around themselves. They may serve the church, but usually they serve because it is expected and usually only as long as the benefits outweigh the costs. Children crave affirmation and approval, and they will usually do the right things if they are rewarded in a way that pleases them.

As in the other stages, when someone is a spiritual child, their words reveal it. The key marker of this stage is being developmentally self-centered. The “phrase from the stage” for spiritual children often involves one or more of the following statements:
– I don’t know if this church is meeting my needs anymore. Maybe I should go to a different church that does better.
– Don’t branch my small group into two. We won’t get to be with our friends.
– Who are all these new people coming into our church? The church is getting too big.
It’s too hard to get a parking spot anymore.
– Why do we have to learn new songs? I like the old hymns better.
– I didn’t like the music today. They should play more contemporary stuff.
– No one ever says hi to me at church. No one ever calls me to see how I’m doing. No one spends time with me. The pastors don’t care about me. Today in the lobby, a pastor looked right at me and didn’t even say hello.
– My small group is not taking care of my needs like they should.
– I wasn’t fed at all by that sermon today.
– Why don’t they have a ministry to singles at this church? This church must not care about singles.
– No Christian should ever listen to hip-hop or rock. That kind of music is just unchristian.
– Well, I’d join the worship team, but no one’s ever asked me.
– I was helping in children’s ministry, but they didn’t appreciate what I was doing, so I quit.

I am sure that even now you are remembering one of these statements being made to you by a Christian who had been in the church for years. Again, remember that the amount of time a person has spent in the church building does not determine their spiritual growth. So, what are the needs of spiritual children? Their primary need is a strong relational connection to a mature believer so they can make the transition to a more God-and kingdom-focused life. They need someone who will help them learn how to make the developmental transition from dependency to learning how to spiritually feed themselves.

They need teaching about who they are in Christ, how to have close friendships with other believers, and what to expect (and not expect) from Christians (disappointment comes from unmet expectations, and there are no perfect Christians). They need to learn to trust God in obedience, doing what the Word says rather than what their feelings tell them to do. As they grow, their lives will become more and more about God. They will learn to do the right things for the right reasons. And they will learn what it means to have a servant’s heart, rather than one that is self-centered.”